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THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING

Jon Methven

A fierce, funny, and rollicking novel about our media-saturated, celebrity-obsessed, and spectacle-oriented age. THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING imagines that a flight very much like the celebrated "Miracle on the Hudson" was a concocted event, arranged by a failing airline and its hired publicity Svengali. But this well-laid and devious plan goes far awry.
Flight AW2921 crashes into the Hudson River during the Monday morning commute and all 162 passengers aboard survive. A city and a nation—a world really—where bad news and devastation are anticipated by the minute, latches on to the miracle with unabashed glee at the happy ending, at the odds-defying safe landing. What they don’t know? The crash was orchestrated by a dastardly PR svengali at the behest of the failing airline’s CEO. Stock in Wanderlust was plummeting. This was the last-ditch effort at resurrection. Previously nothing more than a second- rate airline, Air Wanderlust is now associated with the surmounting of impossible odds and hard-to-come-by modern day heroism, resting on its throne at the top of Google searches. The man of the hour, Captain Hank Swagger, proves to be a man with extraordinary flaws but some small reservoir of strength, or at least good luck. Recent indiscretions put him in danger of having his wings permanently clipped; instead Swagger spent the last 9 months test-landing a simulator and rehearsing his lines for the inevitable morning shows and superbowl half-time interviews that would come when flight AW2921 made him a household name, and an American hero. Disgraced TV news anchor Lucy Springer has been outfitted with a puppet in a vindictive divorce settlement and relegated to covering the celebrity Twitter beat with her foul-mouthed doppelganger sidekick; she was “luckily” the only reporter on the downed plane, and first to capture the story, with a hunch that this crash is not all it seems. Normal Fulk, the real hero of flight AW2921’s unfolding saga, wasn’t even supposed to be on board. A month ago, he’d faked his own death to escape a fanatical reality television producer and the consequences of his barely legal career as celebrity semen trafficker. Normal is toting the coveted “John Lennon” with him on the flight—his last big score—but when the plane crashes, he has to leave it behind or risk being arrested. And conscripted into a reality show called “Semen Pirates” that might destroy any self-respect he has left. In the aftermath of the crash and the chaotic week that follows, Lucy, Normal, and Captain Hank Swagger are all about to discover what it means to be on board at the center of a “miracle.” Along its darkly comical, fast-paced way, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING asks serious questions. Has “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” become “If the event’s on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter, does it matter that it never happened?” Does our constant bombardment with information and updates make it harder or easier to get at the truth? Is it all an illusion? About the author: Jon Methven has worked as a paperboy, a dishwasher, a Ponderosa meat cook, a pizza deliverer, a golf course grounds crewman, a barbecue seasoning filter employee, an illegal barbecue seasoning filter employee since he was living in Australia without a work visa at the time, a bartender, a mascot at Yankee Stadium (Mr. Popcorn), a journalist, a taste tester, and a cubicle dweller. He knows things you can only dream of knowing, or can learn if willing to work for minimum wage. His work has appeared at Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, n+1, The New York Times, and New York magazine, and he currently writes the “Analytically Speaking” column that appears Mondays at The Awl. He lives in New York City with his wife and son.
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Published 2012-06-01 by Simon & Schuster

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"Every so often a first novel comes along that blows your hair back with its ingenuity, that jumpstarts your faith in imaginative literature, and Jon Methven has written one of those novels. This Is Your Captain Speaking is an astonishing debut, a comedic masterwork worthy of the great Joe Orton and Stanley Elkin. Outrageous and gorgeously absurd, it shows us, with fearless accuracy, what a twisted tribe we have become."

A Pynchonesque, offbeat parody of American media coverage and celebrity. . . . a smart, fast-paced farce in which Methven ably satirizes America’s signature take on reality and culture of greed.

Take one of the top feel-good news stories of this century, add a layer of deceit and cynicism worthy of the Nixon White House and a very healthy dose of humor, and you get a quick idea of what this novel is like. What if Capt. Sully Sullenberger’s Miracle on the Hudson was a hoax? In Methven’s satire, a similar miracle landing (Hank Swagger is the pilot here) is the brainstorm of a super-publicist at the urging of the CEO of failing Air Wanderlust. Targeting celebrity-obsession, the always-on news cycle and corporate America, Methven raises both questions and laughs. Read more...

[A] buoyant debut . . . Fans of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency will relish this frequent contributor’s snappy farce about publicity, celebrity culture, and a ne’er-do-well’s attempt to save some crippled orphans by way of one Beatle’s frozen swimmers.

Americans regard Capt. Chesley ''Sully'' Sullenberger's emergency landing on the Hudson River as a near-mythical act of true heroism. In this absurdist satire, a similar splash landing proves to be a full-scale hoax, not a miracle, and two passengers — a trafficker of celebrity sperm and a puppet-armed news anchor — find themselves at the center of the conspiracy. The cheeky send-up in This Is Your Captain Speaking is aggressively experimental, but Methven manages to tell an engaging story amid the antic high jinks. Read more...

A playful and witty send-up of our media-mad culture. Methven is a comic writer to watch.

I’m not sure how it happened, but Thomas Pynchon and Donald Barthelme bumped into one another while toting their samples into a sperm bank. Jon Methven is the result. This Is Your Captain Speaking proves that Methven has his finger on the pulse of the absurd, the topical, the real. Here’s a novel that soars and soars. And swaggers relentlessly.

Interview with author Read more...

Relentlessly inventive.... Beneath the snappy dialogue and quirky plot twists, Methven is posing a profound question: What happens when a country can no longer live up to its own mythos? When the American infatuation with industry and self-reliance gives way to passive consumerism and fakery?.... An exciting new voice. Read more...

You know who really had a satire coming? Sully Sullenberger. The heroic pilot who avoided crashing a damaged US Airways passenger plane by belly-flopping it onto the Hudson River became the first celebrity airman since Capt. John Yossarian. . . . A similar ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ event kick-starts Methven’s very funny, slightly batshit debut novel. . . . Methven’s energy and clear enthusiasm for the ridiculousness of his book translates to the read. Read more...