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Mohrbooks Literary Agency
Sebastian Ritscher
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English
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I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE

Ivan Maisel

A Memoir of Loss, Grief, and Love

Sports journalist Ivan Maisel writes about the suicide of his son Max, delving into how his exploration of their complicated relationship led him to see grief as love.
In February 2015, Ivan Maisel received a call that would alter his life forever: his son Max's car was found abandoned in a parking next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max's body would be found in the lake.

I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye is the story of Maisel's love for a son who was so different from him, but who he loved so deeply, and how he came to learn that grief for Max was nothing more than a last, ultimate expression of love. Navigating the moments of their complicated relationship, as well as their love each other, Maisel explores the bridges he tried to build to his son and the grief that engulfed him and his family after Max's death by suicide.

Taking its title from Max's love of photography - and his tendency to only love the camera when he was behind it, looking away whenever his picture was taken - I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye delves into the tragically transformative reality of losing a child, all with grace, depth, and refinement. But by humanizing Max and humanizing his own grief, Maisel evokes understanding instead of sorrow, appreciation instead of anxiety - and love instead of fear.

Ivan Maisel previously published an essay about grief on Medium in 2018, which was featured on the site's front page. He has covered college football for nearly four decades, since 2002 as a senior writer for ESPN, where he writes for ESPN.com, appearing on television, ESPN Radio and on podcasts. He also served as Editor-at-Large for ESPN College Football 150. Prior to joining ESPN.com, Maisel covered national college football for Sports Illustrated, Newsday, and The Dallas Morning News. He has been honored seven times for Best Story by the Football Writers Association of America, and twice by The Associated Press Sports Editors, which in 2019 named him one of the 10 best sports columnists. Maisel earned a bachelor's degree in American Studies from Stanford University.
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Published 2021-10-26 by Hachette Book Group - New York (USA)

Comments

[A] beautiful and heart-wrenching work... Flashbacks to Max's childhood make him a vivid personality, and photos of him throughout render the author's grief devastatingly visceral... Maisel writes honestly... The result yields a deeply affecting testament to the fragility of life, and the human capacity for resilience. Read more...

Maisel joined Brad Cesmat to discuss his recently released book on Max and Ivan's grief after his son's death. The book delves into the tragically transformative reality of losing a child and all of the emotions that come with it. Read more...

Ivan Maisel appeared on the We Should Talk About That podcast to discuss his new book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE. Read more...

Ivan Maisel, author of I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE, appeared on The Peter King Podcast to discuss his new book. Read more...

Today's author interview guest is Ivan Maisel, author of I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye: A Memoir of Loss, Grief, and Love. In this deeply emotional memoir, a longtime ESPN writer reflects on the suicide of his son Max and delves into how their complicated relationship led him to see grief as love.... Read more...

Health.com mentioned the book in an article about dealing with grief over the holidays: After Ivan Maisel's 21-year-old son, Max, died by suicide in 2015, his recognition that the amount of grief he was experiencing equaled the amount of love he had for his son made complete sense - and took the edge off his pain. "When I thought of my grief as just a different form of love, it helped me understand why I was in pain," Maisel, the author of a book about coming to terms with his grief called I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye: A Memoir of Loss, Grief, and Love, tells Health. "It helped me learn to carry my grief with me." Read more...

Ivan Meisel's previously published essay about grief on Medium in 2018, which was featured on the site's front page. Read more...

Alabama.com published an interview (picked up by Our Community Now and J99 News) with Ivan Maisel discussing his book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE: "All along, we've just decided to be open about him and mental illness. And I wrote the book not only to make sure as best I could that Max's life would not be defined by how he died - I wanted to tell people how he lived - but also to explain grief as I went through it and continue to live with it." Read more...

Ivan Maisel joined Kerri Miller on her Big Books and Big Ideas Podcast to discuss I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE. Read more...

An intimate chronicle of abiding love. Read more...

Ivan Maisel appeared at the Greenfield Hill Church to give a talk about his book and the life of his son Read more...

Maisel also appeared on the Two Writers Slinging Yang podcast to discuss on what it is like to write about grief. Read more...

Once (Meisel) reached a state of equilibrium - it took close to six years - in January 2020, Maisel began to write what by my assessment is "The Book No One Wants to Write." Parts of the narrative are hard to read: the torment - and torrent - of regrets, anger, guilt and remorse over missed signs that in retrospect were so painfully clear. And at day's end - at every day's end - most searing of all, a lost son. But it is also a tale of deep love and resilience - the safety harness of a family - and survival. The book is dedicated to daughters Sarah and Elizabeth. On the dedication page, the father describes them as "Lighthouses on my shore." Read more...

"Max was dead." The blunt assessment is typical of the general spirit in I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye, a "memoir of loss, grief, and love," as noted on the cover. The sentiments, rendered skillfully, are honest and candid, which should be expected from someone who's spent four decades in press boxes representing ESPN as well as other media, including The Dallas Morning News. But there's nothing rote in this intensely personal undertaking, and the fact that the subject is the author's only son is but half the sermon. Read more...

Ivan Maisel appeared on the Depresh Mode with John Moe podcast to discuss his new book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE. Read more...

Ivan Maisel appeared on The Ringer's Press Box podcast to discuss I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE and what Maisel's son was like in life. Read more...

Q&A: Learning How to Carry the Grief: PW Talks with Ivan Maisel ... Read more...

Losing a child is every parent's nightmare; losing one to suicide deepens the anguish unimaginably. Here, a father shares his grief and valuable lessons on how he carries on.

The Good Men Project published their interview with Ivan Maisel, author of I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE, on how he handled the passing of his son: "I think the biggest reason that I became more open is that I didn't want anyone to interpret my silence as shame that Max ended his life." Read more...

Ivan Maisel appeared on the Mitch Unfiltered podcast to discuss his book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE Read more...

Penn Live Patriot-News (picked up by Heromag) published an interview with Ivan Maisel discussing his book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE. Read more...

In this segment, Paul is joined on the hotline by author of "I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye" Ivan Maisel. Read more...

Maisel spoke with Parrish Alford about mental health on the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal's Justify Your Existence podcast. Read more...

Loss and grief create a division between the uninitiated and those who speak the language. Maisel's gem of a book bravely bridges two worlds to help translate the many facets in grieving a child's death. Unvarnished and unsparing, this award-winning sportswriter turns the lens on his own journey to make sense of the unimaginable, demonstrating how we get through it without ever getting over it.

This is a poignant memoir about the love that propels us to carry on and move forward after loss. Ivan Maisel gives voice to emotions that many of us have felt but few have been able to articulate.

Having lost a child myself, it's hard for me to imagine a parent experiencing anything that is more painful. Losing a child to suicide adds another layer to the grief because we can't understand why it happened. In I Keep Trying To Catch His Eye, Ivan Maisel shares his family's story of losing a son to suicide. He examines some deep issues that aren't easy for us to talk about - suicide, mental health, grief, and recovery. This book will be helpful to anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one but especially to those who have been impacted by suicide.

[A] poignant, understated memoir... Those who have lost a child will find a kindred spirit here.

Ivan Maisel appeared on Good Morning America to discuss his new book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE and processing the loss of his son: "You don't get through grief, I think you just have to figure out how to carry it with you. Equating grief to love helped me carry it. It still helps me carry it." Read more...

At the center of this beautifully written memoir by a father about his son Max, is a loving, devoted family. Ivan is a sportswriter, his clean, direct writing style is riveting and emotional. One winter day, when his son goes missing on purpose, the family unspools first in shock, then grief, and finally redemption as the author finds a letter written to him from Max from happier times. There is so much love in this memoir, the reader too, is redeemed. There is humor and grace as the Maisels find their way in the world without this beautiful soul in their midst. The family holds their memories of this original, one of a kind young man in their hearts. You will too. I couldn't put it down.

This is a story about grief, and loss and sorrow, yes. But it is also a story about triumph over those things, about love, devotion and grace.

StateCollege.com reported on I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE by Ivan Maisel, and how the memoir is a lesson for all who read it. Read more...

Ivan Maisel spoke with Dr. Foojan Zeine on ABC News Radio about his book I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE and "moving through life with grace." Read more...

Ivan Maisel, author of I KEEP TRYING TO CATCH HIS EYE, appeared on Nomberg Law Live to discuss his book and mental health. Read more...