DE-ESCALATE

De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds is based, in part, on the pioneering work in listening skills by Robert Bolton, the recent advances in understanding neuroscience, and the work that Doug Noll and I have been doing in California prisons since 2010. This book explains the skills we teach, why they work, and provides concrete examples for de-escalating highly emotional people. We have seen these skills tested over and over again in many workshops and they work! Whether you are dealing with an upset child or a politically polarized family member, using these skills can keep you centered, in control, and help you move through conflict productively.

Doug Noll is one of the foremost thinkers, teachers, and practitioners of conflict resolution and mediation. We’ve taught together for more than a decade, and I’m still learning as I watch him transform skeptical mediators, judges, and law students into conflict de-escalators. He quickly trains hard-boiled lawyers to affect label unsuspecting dinner waiters and Starbucks baristas to their amazement. They return the next day full of successful stories of developing deeper, empathic connections in seconds. In De-Escalate, Doug makes that research and practice-driven insight real through hopeful stories from the most hardened criminals. As usual, Doug spells it out so that you can de-escalate parents, supervisors, teachers, and other disputants immediately. Do yourself a favor—read the whole book. It will be another effective tool in resolving conflict.

When faced with someone’s anger, we’re inclined to react emotionally to the words hurled at us, responding with silence or more words hurled the other way. Neither tactic works to bring understanding or peace. Douglas Noll encourages us to ignore the words and work with the emotion to “de-escalate” the destructive passion in just a few minutes. This book is written so the reader can learn to work with understanding behind the anger by ignoring the words and focusing on the emotions and reflecting them back. I’ll be recommending this book to clients with troublesome teens.

The skills and techniques taught in this book and used by Douglas Noll and his colleague Laurel Kaufer, have been instrumental in transforming the lives of hundreds of female inmates in California prisons. These skills have demonstrated that when utilized as they have been taught, that they will help anyone de-escalate any argument, fight, or disagreement. I have observed the effects and benefit of using these skills within our programs. The end result was the ability to obtain resolution to many issues and bring about peace within the prisons in which they do this powerful work.

De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less is a ground-breaking new book on truly effective listening. Doug Noll teaches us to ignore the words of an angry person and focus only on the emotions. Using techniques that have been shown by neuroscience to quiet the emotional centers of the brain, he can teach anyone how to manage strong, angry emotions while remaining calm. Anyone can benefit from this book and Noll’s ideas. Strongly recommended.