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WHY ARE WE YELLING?

Buster Benson

The Art of Productive Disagreement

An illustrated guide to having more honest and constructive arguments, whether on social media, with coworkers, or with people you love, with scripts, tools, and exercises to keep your blood from boiling.
The way we argue is broken - whether we're arguing about immigration, gun control, the existence of ghosts, the best burger in the city, or who's allowed to sit in your favorite chair. We end up digging in our heels and yelling at one another or choosing to avoid heated topics entirely. Either way, problems continue to fester under the surface and inevitably return as even bigger problems later on. There has to be a better way.

Buster Benson, a Silicon Valley entrepreneur with 2-decades of experience facilitating hard conversations at some of the biggest and most controversial tech companies in the world, is on a mission to help us see disagreement differently. He recommends 10 things to try in order to make disagreements more productive. The way we talk is laden with old conversational habits that need to be re-examined - and by practicing these 10 new habits we can flip frustrating, unproductive disagreements into ones that bear fruit and bring people closer together. Instead of dreading arguments, or avoiding them at all costs, we'll even start looking forward to them as one of the most rewarding parts of our lives.

In this book you'll learn practical skills to make your disagreements more fruitful by:
- Learning to see and appreciate four other fruits of disagreements that are more valuable than "winning", and easier to harvest.
- Identifying the kind of argument you're having so you can know how to best approach it.
- Articulating the best possible version of your opponent's argument before attacking it.

Benson brings an excellent platform to this project. Currently leading the 100+ person team at Slack, he has previously worked at Twitter and Amazon and founded three tech companies. Since August 2016, his Medium articles have had over 900,000 views, with a following of 24,000 on the platform, 14,000 on Twitter, and an email subscription list of 20,000. There are many influential thinkers, authors, and tech stars who are likely to be enthusiastic in promoting this book.
Buster Benson is an entrepreneur and former product leader at Amazon, Twitter, Slack, and Patreon. He is now a full-time writer for Medium, 750Words.com, and BusterBenson.com. This is his first book.
Available products
Book

Published 2019-11-19 by Portfolio

Book

Published 2019-11-19 by Portfolio

Comments

With provocative ideas - and the brain science to back them up - Why Are We Yelling? offers fresh approaches to conflict and connection.

Conflict can be ugly. But if you follow the precepts of Buster Benson, you'll discover that it's also inevitable, necessary, and even helpful. Why Are We Yelling? provides a taxonomy of disagreement - explaining how arguments arise, how to handle them, and how to resolve them. Nobody can completely avoid conflict, but everybody can learn how to argue better and more productively with this provocative book.

What could be more useful in improving human relationships than learning how to disagree productively? In this lively, accessible, and practical guide, Buster Benson offers us eight valuable principles for turning rude arguments or suppressed differences into dynamic conversations that illuminate, connect, and yield better results for all. With Benson's help, let the arguing begin!

Author's article: What Can We Do About Our Bias? - A 4-step roadmap for developing an always-on, honest relationship to bias Read more...

Adam Grant recommends Why Are We Yelling in The New Fall Books on Behavioral Science, Leadership, and Life: "Sometimes it feels like the only way to have a constructive argument is to clone yourself or master the art of mind control. But it turns out all you need is a Silicon Valley manager named Buster Benson. His methods are instantly applicable, his writing is funny and relatable, and his book is the ideal companion to Difficult Conversations." Read more...

Buster Benson turns everything you know about arguing on its head. Before reading this book, I never thought I'd be looking forward to my next disagreement. Productive disagreeing is the most underrated life skill you can build.

Success lists Why Are We Yelling as one of 6 Books That Will Help You Create a Better Future: "...His ideas are not just well explained, but he also uses clever graphics and visuals to make them stick. " Read more...

Author Q&A with Nir Eyal Read more...

Real Simple lists Why Are We Yelling as one of the Best Books of 2019: "For the conflict-averse, arguing is deeply uncomfortable, frustrating, and often upsetting. Worse, in our increasingly fractious world, we're losing the ability to productively disagree with others, writes tech entrepreneur Buster Benson in Why Are We Yelling? Benson offers helpful strategies for identifying anxieties and biases and asking questions that lead to better debate." Read more...

Buster Benson is incurably curious, and luckily for the rest of the world, he's also generous and creative in sharing his journey. In this conversation we talk about the power of writing as a daily practice, how he had to learn to draw after deciding he wanted an illustrated book, and of course why learning to disagree well expands and improves your world, the topic of his book Why Are We Yelling? The Art of Productive Disagreement.... Read more...

I'm a sucker for frameworks, and this is one of the greats. You'll learn to turn the messy, frustrating, emotional experience of arguing into a fine art. You'll watch the quality of your collaborations - and your ideas - go through the roof.

This clever, empowering book shows how conflict can be a source of growth, intrigue, and joy. Buster Benson unveils a new framework for arguing that helps you understand your biases and show other people theirs in a non-confrontational way. This is the perfect book at the perfect time to bring some sanity back into disagreements.

"8 Ways to Flip Your Fear of Conflict" - ...we pulled eight lessons from Benson's book to help unearth the deeper roots of disagreement. From making sure you're having the same argument, to reading the map of your anxiety, here's how to turn your tug of war dynamic into something worthwhile.... Read more...

Sometimes it feels like the only way to have a constructive argument is to clone yourself or master the art of mind control. But it turns out all you need is Buster Benson. His methods are instantly actionable, his writing is funny and relatable, and his book is the ideal companion to Difficult Conversations.

TV interview on Rebel Wisdom Read more...

This is a life-changing book. Read it three times and then give a copy to anyone you care about. It will make things better.

Reading Why Are We Yelling? is like having your most calm, level-headed friend explain how you might diffuse a tense situation in your life and work. I especially recommend this book to anyone who has ever tried to 'win' an argument only to end up frustrated with the results.

In this episode, Buster Benson shares his thoughts on a life lesson that took him a while to learn. Read more...

UK/Commonw.: Pan Macmillan ; Chinese (complex): CommonWealth Magazine ; Chinese (simpl): Citic ; Japanese: Hayakawa ; Korean: Hakgojae ; Thai: B2S Co ; Vietnamese: 1980 Books

In this interview, I discuss with Buster Benson the art of productive disagreement... Buster provides us with a solution to the unproductive conflict and pointless arguing forever. ... Read more...

In today's polarized climate, 'productive disagreement' often feels like an oxymoron. Benson brilliantly challenges this idea, offering a thoughtful guidebook on how to lower our voices, tolerate tension, and have the constructive dialogue our world needs.